Alice in Booshland
by RootBooster
Summary: Not very good with summarys or titles. It's my first proper full on Boosh fic! I've only ever written naughty slash based on the boys before so this should be interesting, so please read and tell me what you think :
1. Monday Boredom

_**Author -** **Of course I don't own Vince or Howard or anything else that belongs to Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt. Oh how I wish I did though!**_

_**This is my first ever Boosh fic so I hope it's not that bad! Rate T for naughty language and naughty scenes later on in the fic. On with the show!**_

* * *

I flung a pillow at my alarm clock as it rang out through my bedroom.

"Alice!", shouted my flat mates in unison.

"I know!", I shouted back and turned the stupid thing down.

I stretched and let out a long sign before sitting on the edge of my bed for a few seconds listening to the radio station,

_' - and rain expecting to fall later this afternoon with some possibilities of snow, back to you Chris'  
'It's another miserable day, it's freezing cold and most of us don't wanna go to work so here's a song for all you people who just hate Monday'._

I shook my ruffled hair as 'I Don't Like Mondays' seeped through the tiny speakers and I smiled a little as I made my way to my wardrobe.

_' Tell me why, I don't like Mondaaays...'_

Jeans, Rolling Stones T-Shirt and my favourite pair of red Converse. Slap on some eyeliner, put a bit of eye shadow on, shove my hair into a quick pony tail and I was ready for whatever today could throw at me.  
I turned off my radio and went down the hall into the kitchen/living room.

"Alright Becky?", I asked the ball of pink fluff on the sofa. It groaned in reply and shuffled a bit, a sudden wild splash of blonde hair appearing out of the top. Becky's make-up was caked all over the place, mascara smudged under her eyes and lip stick half way across her face.

" Bloody hell, you look like shit!", I laughed.  
She gave me one of her _say-anything-else-and-you-die_ looks as she tried to flatten down her overgrown hair but it did it no justice.

I'd been living with Becky Thomas and her boyfriend Jeff Richards for 8 months now along with my uni mate Terry Daniels. It was a small 3 bed-roomed flat in the middle of Camden Town, the 'heart and soul of London' as Terry once called it, and a ten minute walk from the market. What else could you need?

I grabbed my keys from a hook on the wall and flung on my parker that was hanging on the back of the front door in the tiny hallway.

"Becky, can you tell Terry to actually get out of bed and get to work on time today cos I don't want another bollocking by my boss!", I called back before shutting the door and making my way down the stairs and into the freezing cold London daylight.

Even though it felt like minus 60 Camden Market was still in full swing. People bustling around and walking faster to try and keep warm, salesman at the stalls holding plastic cups of tea and coffee whilst they waited for the next punter to come along and buy their goods. The punks and goths still wore short skirts and tiny leather jackets despite the cold weather. To them all that mattered was fashion so why should they care if they slowly turned into a giant block of ice? At least they would look good doing it.  
I was making my way across the Camden Lock bridge when suddenly some silly twat walked straight into me and almost spilled the cup of tea I'd just bought.

"Watch where ya' goin'!", I yelled at her as she held us both to keep steady.

"You alright? I didn't see ya' there", she exclaimed.  
I wiped my parker down with my spare hand and looked up at the woman to make sure she had no tea splashed on her but I suddenly stopped when my eyes drifted to her face.  
It wasn't a woman at all, sure 'she' was wearing eyeliner and a bit of eyeshadow, even lip gloss, but it sure as hell wasn't a woman. His long hair was raven black and straightened, a white stetson sat proudly upon it. He was wearing a skinny t-shirt with a purple robot and a yellow lightning bolt just visible behind his studded leather jacket. My eyes fell down to his tightly covered drainpiped legs and further down to his white cowboy booted feet and then back up to his electric blue eyes.

"I am so sorry", he tried again, "I really didn't see you".

"It's no problem", I smiled, "No damage done".

He extended his hand, "Vince Noir, rock and roll star!".

"Alice Smith", I said taking his hand and shaking it politely.

"Listen, I've gotta catch the train back to work, Howard'll kill me if I'm not there when he opens up".

"Oh I've gotta get to work as well", I explained, "Boss'll fire me if I'm late again".

He laughed and shook my hand again, "Hope to see you again Alice".

"You too Vince", and he left, blending into the crowd of shoppers.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Leaning on the counter, bored out of my mind, writing things in the calculator and fiddling with the badges on display was a usual Monday morning at Virgin Megastores. There were hardly any customers in and my fellow shopkeeper, Johnny Turner, was playing one of his shitty cd's that was blaring out of the overhead speakers so not only was I bored with nothing to do but now I had to put up with Eminem's ' Toy Soldiers '.

"Alright?"

I breathed a sigh of relief as Terry kicked his stuff under the counter and flopped down next to me.

"Oh thank god your here! I though' I was gunna have to kill him".  
He grinned and flicked a stray bit of black and red hair out of his face.

"So...", I asked.

"So what?"

I gave him a sly grin, "The other night!".

He blushed to the colour of a beetroot and tried to hide his grin behind his black and white scarf.  
We'd all gone out together at the weekend to a club called Heaven. One of London's infamous gay clubs. There's nothing wrong with my sexuality or anything but you haven't lived until you've gone to a gay nightclub. The music was amazing and the blokes were great dancers. I'd managed to persuaded Terry to talk to a gorgeous looking tanned bloke that he'd been ogling all night before I had to go home early cos, you know, 'I had work in the morning'.

"You got with him!", I smiled and hugged him.

Suddenly the music changed from Eminem to some crappy bloke speaking so fast he might as well of been humming.  
I groaned and thumped my head on the counter,"For fuck sake!".  
Terry laughed and cuddled me. "Don't worry pumpkin, Just think after he's gone it'll be our turn!", and he threw his head back letting out an over dramatic laugh.

I just burst out laughing and hit him playfully.

_' Alice, could you sort out the horror dvds for me, please?'_, rang out the speakers.  
I rolled my eyes and quickly jumped over the counter before my boss could see me.

Two hours and 5 sorted sections later I was back behind the desk again, still bored but at least this time the music was good with 'Ziggy Stardust' playing in the background thanks to Terry.  
The place wasn't quite packed but more people had come in, me and Terry suspected that it was only because it had started snowing outside plus the fact that no one was actually buying anything.

"You fancy coming out tonight?", he asked as he flicked through his cd collection.

"Weekend not enough for ya' like?"

"There's this club in Hackney my mate told me about, The Velvet Onion, supposed to be brilliant".

I rubbed my eyes and yawned, "I dunno Tez, I'm not really up to it".

As soon as the words left my mouth he was pouting and the puppy dog eyes were set to extra sad.

He knew me all too well, "Fine!".

He jumped up and down, clapping his hands, "Fank youuuuu!"

"I'll see you at the tube at eight but I'm comin' home at ten", I said pointing at him and giving him a stern look to make sure he was listening.  
He gave me a military salute and I went back to flicking the badges.

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_**A/N. Bit of a rubbish chapter but believe me it will get better! I hope you liked it and remember that reviews are love!**_


	2. The Velvet Onion and A Sparkly Tart

The club was packed as me and the rest of the gang shuffled through the bobbing sea of drunken people, amazingly Terry managed to persuade Becky and Jeff to come along.

New Young Pony Club was booming out of the surrounding speakers, the odd person with a glow-stick and whistle was just visible through the smokey haze trying to body pop with no success.

_'Everybody in the house make some noooooooise!'_

Everyone screamed and threw their hands in the air as the DJ put on another mix.  
Terry went to get some drinks as the rest of us made our way to the dance floor. It took him almost ten minutes to get to us,

"Bar was packed!", he shouted as he handed us our bottles of Stella. We all shouted our thanks and continued to dance.

The place was small with a set of steel steps you went down as you came in, there was also a balcony and a small dance-floor but the atmosphere was brilliant and no-one seemed to mind the cramp conditions.

Becky suddenly elbowed me gently in the ribs so I got her attention.

"Check out the DJ!", she shouted, "He's gorgeous!".  
We all looked up to the mix table and suddenly the strobes turned on and the DJ table and DJ were illuminated. I couldn't believe my eyes!

It was Vince from this morning!

I whooped and cheered as he did a little body-pop before grabbing the microphone.

"Right everybody I'm off".  
Everyone aww-d and booed and I could see him laughing.

"Don't worry! I'm gunna leave you all in the capable hands of the one and only Bollo!".  
I saw Bollo shuffle up the stairs to the table and cuddle Vince before taking the headphones and mic off him, "Hello everybody!".

We all cheered, Terry jumped up and down clapping his hands together. Bollo was one of his favourite DJ's this side of London but the weird thing was that Bollo was a gorilla so it's a bit freaky having your gay best mate fancy a gorilla but, you know, whatever lights your candle.

I went to take a sip out of my bottle but found it empty. I tapped Jeff on the shoulder,"I'm getting another drink".

He nodded and started dancing with Becky as I squeezed through a group of girls giggling and making their way over to see Vince who'd just stepped onto the dancefloor. A tall man followed behind him, wearing a quite fetching hat, exchanged words with him and gave him a hug before putting some headphones on and leaving the club.

I rolled my eyes and plonked myself on one of the spare stools at the now almost deserted bar.

"Vodka and coke, please!", I shouted to the bar tender who nodded and made my drink up, placing it on the counter.

"Two quid, love".

"I'll pay for it".

Vince sat next to me and gave the bartender a fiver.

"Usual Vince?", the bartender asked already getting his drink.

"Cheers Paul".

I twiddled with the straw of my vodka and coke as I waited for Vince's drink.

"Didn't expect to see you here", he smiled.

"Well it was my mate's idea so I thought 'why not?'. Brought the gang as well, they can't stay long though. They have to be back at the asylum by 10".

Vince smiled into his cocktail.

"Your looking gorgeous by the way", he pointed out.

I felt myself blush as I took another sip, "Didn't really make much effort".

All I saw wearing was a simple silver sequined top, my drainpipes and my -

"Look at your boots! They are electric!", he squealed picked up my right foot to examine my silver cowboy boots closer.

"There just an old birthday present, haven't worn 'em till tonight", I laughed as he continued to look at them like a Magpie looks at Kit-Kat wrappers.

"I'd kill for a pair of those!", he exclaimed sitting back onto the plastic stool.

I was about to tell him where he could get a pair when another group of girls surrounded us, giggling and holding pieces of paper and napkins.

" 'Scuse me Vince", said the closest girl to me, "Could we get an autograph?".  
He smiled and squiggled his name on a few napkins and kissed a few of the girls on the cheeks causing an outbreak of high pitched fan-girl squeeing. They then all toddled off into a corner to compare signatures.  
I was just about to talk to him again when another girl appeared from nowhere and draped herself around him,.

"Hey gorgeous".

She might was well of been wearing absolutely nothing because the clothes she had on were doing nothing for her. Skimpy jeans with g-string showing up the sides, a sparkly boob tube that almost blinded you if you looked at it directly and impossible high heels.

I felt my mouth turn up as I looked at her wrapping herself around Vince like she owned him.

"Come dance with me", I heard her say and try to pull him away from me.

"I'm chattin' at the moment Diane, maybe later.

I saw her look me over out of the corner of my eye as I stared ahead of me.

"What do you wanna talk to that for when you can dance with me?!"

Who did she think she was talking about?!

"Pardon me love but I do have a name", I heard myself saying.

"And does it look like I give a shit?", she remarked, "If you don't mind I'm busy", and she turned her attention back to her prey who I could see was getting more annoyed the longer she stayed.

Time to get rid of her then.

"You won't find anyone to dance with here darlin' ". I saw her eyes flicker up to me, "Think you've got more chance on a street corner ".

Vince turned to faced me, a cheeky grin spread across his face as the half dressed tramp stood there with her hands on her hips.

"What did you say?", she demanded.

I smiled, "You heard me".

"You gunna let her talk to me like that, Vincey?!", she exclaimed.

He just stood up and wrapped an arm round my waist, his eye twinkling in the neon lights from the bar.

"To tell ya' the truth darl', I wouldn't touch you with a barge pole. I suggest you go home, rethink your wardrobe cos let's face it, the 1970's are never comin' back, and then I'd rethink your life cos I don't think anyone would touch a slag like you unless they were pissed and desperate".

I stood with a massive smile on my face as I saw everything Vince had just said sink into her small brain and her reaction slowly spread across her face.

Pure humiliation! You've gotta love it!

If only I'd had a camera on me, that would be in the front of my photo album.

I waved bye to her as Vince lead me to the backdoor and out into the night air.

We walked down the street for a few minutes but neither of us could last any longer and we began crying out with laughter.

"Did you see her face!", I breathed, leaning on a brick wall for support, arms round my stomach to try and ease the pain.

He took a bow and creased up laughing again, "I ain't had this much fun in ages!"

"You insult people on a regular basis?"

"Only if they need it", he smirked.

"You little bitch", I gasped.

"Yep! I'm a motherbitch".

I grinned and looked over Vince's shoulder to see a gorilla running towards us, well I say running but I mean running in a hunched, waddling sorta way.

"Vince!", he yelled.

"Alright Bollo".

Bollo stopped in between us, "What did you do? There's riot in there! Bollo get bottled cos people know I hang with you".

"Was there a lass shouting in there?", I asked.

"Yeah, she dressed like someone working streets for money".

Me and Vince exchanged looks, "Think you'd better leave before they get the pitchforks and torches", I smirked.

"I'll just mesmerise them with my moves", he said and pulled a few impressive shapes.

"Vince, need to go now", Bollo mumbled.

I held out my hand, "Hope to see ya' soon 'Vincey' ".

"If ya' get a chance tomorra come to the 'Nabootique', that's where I work, yeah?".

I nodded and waved them goodbye as man and ape took off further down the street.

My mobile began to ring, "Alright?", I answered.

_'Al, where are ya' ?'_, came the tinny voice of Jeff from the other end, _' Some psycho started a bit of a riot, if ya' already outside we'll meet you at the station yeah?'_

"See ya' there", I put the phone down and made my way to the tube quietly laughing to myself.

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_**A/N - So, what do you think so far? Reviewers will get lots of cookies!!**_


	3. Bondage Not Like That!

**_Author - Here we are, Chapter 3! Continue on faithful reader!_**

* * *

The snow had just started falling as I stood outside of the 'Nabootique' on Tuesday afternoon, my long black coat flapping in the wind.

The windows were filled with little trinkets, sparkly things, accessories and jars of substances making it stand out a mile when you walked past it.  
A bell tinkled as I opened the front door.

The inside was just as unusual as the window display. I was met by racks of clothes ranging from amazingly colour trousers to neon bright t-shirts and belts, there was cloth, incense and pretty stones all dotted about the place as well as weird Jazz L.Ps that looked out of place in the exotic shop.

My eyes drifted to a tall man stood behind the counter doing a few scary moves.

"Alright".

I turned round to see Vince stood on some stairs wearing another pair of drains set off with a very red and rather girlie ruffled top.

"Hey Vince", I grinned and walked to meet him.

He smiled and jumped off the steps to give me a hug.

"You fancy getting something to eat?", he asked, grabbing a long green coat with black furry collar and cuffs and took my hand to walk out the door.

"Yeah sure, um, Vince, is he okay?".

He frowned and I nodded to the mute shirted man behind the counter who'd now turned around, his eyes tightly shut and clicking his fingers to the music he was listening to through a pair of quite big headphones.

"He's in a Jazz Trance", he said simply before walking over to him and giving him a powerful slap that knocked his headphones off .

The jazzy bloke gave a massive jerk and pushed him.

"How many times! Don't do that!"..

"Sorry Howard but you looked like you were having a seizure!"

Howard just glared at him," I was taken by the JuJu, Vince and you know I have no control over what I do".

"Yeah, well, whateva', just don't do it when Alice is here, you were scaring her.

I saw them both look over to me and I gave a little wave,

"So your Alice! Vince's never shut up about you and what happened last night".

I walked over to the man I now knew as Howard and shook his hand, "Nice ta' meet ya' .

Vince grabbed my arm, "We gunna go then?", he whispered.

I nodded and pulled my coat tighter around me before linking Vince's arm, "We're goin' out for a bit. You want anything while I'm out?", he asked.

"Nah, I'll be fine. You two have a good time", Howard grinned and winked at me.

I gave a strained smile before pulling Vince and walking out the shop into the cold snow.

"Was he a rapist at any point?", I asked as we trundled down Dalston.

"It's the eyes. Like a satanic turkeys, there all shifty. You get used to 'em".

We spent all day walking around London, talking about our lives. I found out he could talk to animals and used to work in a zoo with Howard before it got closed down. They both moved in with their friend Naboo the Shaman and his familiar Bollo and decided to opened up the shop below the flat. He talked about the time he got possessed by The Spirit of Jazz and how Howard and his jazz buddy Lester Corn-someone saved him.

He also told me about Howard's last birthday party and how he ended up snogging him to save his own skin from the Head Shaman.

"You snogged your best mate!", I laughed, a mug of coffee in my hand as we sat inside Tony's Cafe on Graham Road.

The snow was still falling and it looked quite pretty outside when you looked out the window in the cosy warmth of the small popular cafe. We'd managed to get chairs away from the door, cos there's nothing worse than being nice and warm only for someone to bound in through the door with a freezing cold wind following behind them.

Vince nodded as he drank some of his Cappuccino.

"He waffled on about me givin' him the keys to a new kingdom and then shouting something about being a massive gayist! I thought he was gunna suddenly break out into song!".

"He should've sang that song from Mary Poppins!", I giggled, "That would've been genius!"

"What, that one where they're cleaning the chimneys?"

"Yeah, that would've been golden!"

"T'was his first kiss n'all!", he mumbled.

I almost chocked on my coffee, "Ya' kiddin'! You mean he's a...ya' know..."

"Virgin, yeah".

"Why doesn't he get himself a girlfriend then?", I asked.

"He doesn't like being touched. I'll give him the slightest brush and he becomes more tense than a hair bobble! He thinks women are into trumpets and bookmarks for god sake! But he's a good bloke really, he just needs some motivation to find a decent enough lass".

I nodded and continued to drink the rest of my coffee off before flinging my coat back on and following Vince out the door.

We followed a few people with shopping bags into the center of town.

It wasn't packed as most of the people had gone to the center of London but there was a fair share of women and tired husbands with arms full of bargins. Massive coloured posters lined the windows of the shops reading 'SALE!' and 'BUY ONE AND GET TWO FREE.

I looked up at Vince to ask where we were gunna go but I saw him staring ahead of him, his blue eyes sort of glazed over, "Vince?". I waved a hand infront of him, "Vince".

He suddenly grabbed my hand and ran to the closest shop shouting at the top of his voice, "TOPSHOP!"


	4. Shaman Love

**_Author - I shall warn you now, this chapter (and maybe the next few) are just sorta linking the story up so sorry if they're short and , well, crap :P_**

* * *

It wasn't until Saturday that I met Vince again (my manager had decided to make me do double shifts).

He was DJing at The Velvet Onion and we decided to meet up after the gig.

I saw him in an instant waiting for me outside the club door, the new slit necked mirrorball cat-suit he had on was not the most low-key piece of clothing I'd seen but it fit his personality perfectly (as well as his body!).

"Oi! Spaceman!", I shouted and laughed to myself as he gave me a playful flick of the V's.

"Got a suprise for you", he smiled and covered my eyes so I couldn't see anything.

I automatically put out my hands just incase there was anything I might bump into because for some reason I didn't trust Vince leading anywhere without there being an 'accidental' fall or slip.

"Will you two stop making out for more than five minutes!", I heard him hiss to someone.

There was a fumble of clothing and a girly giggle before Vince took his hands away so I could see again.

It took me a few minutes to get used to the light but I could see we were down an alleyway, the only source of light being a street lamp under which Vince and two other people sat on an asian rug.

A small man dressed in rich blue robes sat at the front wearing brilliantly made curl-toed shoes to match the outfit, his turban slightly wonky on his head and smudged lipstick marks visable on his lips. There was a young girl cuddling into him, obviously in love with the man, her lipstick also smudged.

"Come on then!", Vince beamed.

I frowned and arkwardly sat down next to him.

"I'm Naboo by the way", the small little shaman said.

"And I'm his girlfrind, Claireabella but ya' can call me Claire", she smiled, "After you then, gorgeous!".

I was about to ask if this was some sort of trick when the carpet suddenly lifted off the ground and I found myself hugging Vince as tight as possible as we flew off into the London night.

We flipped and twirly through the clouds, everyone break out into 'A Whole New World' as we whizzed past the city streets.

"This is amazing!", I yelled.

"Not bad, eh! I wanted ya' to meet Naboo properly!".

I looked back to Naboo, who was snogging Claire like his life depended on it, not that she was complaining! She was just as feisty as he was as she fought for dominance over the kiss.

"Where're we going away?".

"Cinema! There's a great show on so I thought you'd like to tag along", he explained.

I snuggled into him more and smiled as I felt his arm snake round my waist and rest there, fingers playing with the hem of my t-shirt until we reach out destination.


	5. Horror Films The Best Kind!

We landed on a hill outside of a drive-in cinema and had a perfect view of the massive screen.  
Naboo magiced up some nibbles and drink, with permission from the Shaman Council for just the one night, and even brought cushions with him so we could all be comfy once the film started. I knew what film they'd picked before it had even started! Just looking at the parked cars down below told me it was a horror. Horror films; man's excuse to get a quick grope whilst the lasses cower into them.  
The lights dimmed and the film began. I had to stop myself from laughing as a blonde cheerleader with quite large breasts wandered through a dark foggy wood,

"Jimmy!", she squeaked, hoisting her already short skirt even higher. A sudden growl came from nowhere, I weirdly didn't expect it and jumped at the noise. I felt someone tap me on the shoulder and I spun round, half expecting to see the creature but only to see Vince shaking his head and tapping the spot next to him. I'd somehow shuffled further down the carpet whilst watching the scene in the film unfold. I rolled my eyes and shimmied my way back to where I started.  
The girl was running now, tripping every now and again so you got a quick flash of her pants, god I hated american directors! Claire was huggled up to Naboo again and I could just make out the silohette of her hand squeezing his bum. I elbowed Vince and nodded towards them. He looked at them then made a gagging gesture,

"How long have they been goin' out for?", I whispered, making sure I didn't disturb the film for them,

"Bout 4 weeks. He loves 'er though, can tell it in his eyes". They were great together, I'd decided already, even if they couldn't keep their hands to themselves for more than five minutes.  
I was a little distracted then by the feel of Vince's hand moving back to my waist and playing about with the hem of my 'The Ramones' t-shirt again. Everytime he brushed a bit of my skin by accident I had to stop myself from shivering, not that I was complanin' or anything! I was quiet happy laying there next to him, he felt great and he smelt good too like a weird mixture of Joop!, Lynx Africa and polo mints.  
I don't know how or why but I found myself snuggling into him more with my arm suddenly snaking around the front of him of it's own actions and resting on his sequin covered waist. I felt him shuffle a bit to get more comfy and sigh.  
I was gunna play this one cool and keep my calm. I slid my hand onto his sparkling leg, lightly running my fingers over his thigh in swell patters, he let out a little gasp as my wandering fingers ventured a little too high, this was going to be easy.  
I looked up at him and his eyes were still watching the screen but his hands were wanderin' by themselves. His fingers were now in my hair, twirling strands around them and I found my eyes falling shut as I lent into his hand. Now with my head being one of my most sensitive parts it was kinda hard for me to fight back but I managed to. He wasn't gunna win this! I moved my head away from his hands and pulled myself up a bit more before leaning my head on his chest. I left it a few minutes then I began kissing his neck. He grabbed a handful of my t-shirt at the sudden and continuess assault from me licking his collarbone and placing open mouthed kisses on his adam's apple which I felt bob up and down as he swollowed, I even put in a cheeky bit of tongue and teeth now and again. I could hear him breathing hard and his grip never loosened from my t-shirt, I dared to look up for a few seconds and I saw his eyes were now tightly shut and his nerves were taking in everything I was doing. Result! Alice -1,Vince - 0!  
I was about to go in for the kill, so to speak, when he grabbed both my wrists with one hand and held them to the floor, stopping me. I tried to brake his hold but he wasn't letting up. He looked down at me, his pupils wide making his eyes look almost black, and with his spare hand he tucked my hair behind my ears and whispered to me, "What do ya' think your playin' at ",

"What do ya' mean?", I answered innocently,

He smiled, "Think your playin' a bit unfair, don't you? Catchin' me off-guard and everything",

I edged my face closer to his or as close as he would let me, "That's how I like to play, makes my victory more easier",

"Victory? You think you can win me?",

I grinned and nodded. He paused for a moment, "Ya' won't win", he exclaimed,

"How will I not win ya'?",

"Because I can do this",

With the hand that tucked my hair away he grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me into a kiss. I couldn't help but moan into his mouth. His kiss was amazing! I tried so hard to get my hands free from him but he was a lot stronger than the twiglet he looked so I gave in and began kissing back. I can see why Howard was happy that Vince was his first kiss, the guy was a pro! The spare hand was now on the side of my face and I smiled at how gentle he was and how he caressed my cheek before pulling away. We both looked at eachother and laughed before he laid back down on the carpet, me following and resting my head on his stomach,

"Do ya' think they noticed?", I asked him, nodding towards Naboo and Claire who were making-out furiously infront of us for the third time in two hours,

I looked at him and he looked down at me, "Nah!", we answered in unison and watched the rest of the film in silence.


	6. Jazz Man Meets Jazzette

**_Author - I've been feeling sorry for little old Howard lately, so I decided to give him a friend :) _**

**_She was inspired by my godd friend Lauren on the Boosh forum, as are a few characters later on!_**

* * *

Back at the Nabootique Howard T.J. Moon, man of action, was riding the back of the JuJu train once more.

He was too busy with his trumpet miming that he didn't notice the woman walk into the shop, huddled up in her beige scarf and carrying a basoon case.

She watched him with great interest, she'd never seen a man like this before. The muted shirt, the courdaroy, the moustash! He was gorgeous!

She picked up a Larry 'Big Face' Eddison L.P from the rack and walked over to the counter, her eyes still watching the man with wonder. She gave a polite cough to see if he could hear her but when he continued doing his little balls-of-the-feet dance she simply lent over the counter and pressed 'pause' on his Walkman.

Howard stopped and opened his tiny peepers to try and figure out where his music went. That's when he saw her. The beige scarf, the nutmeg hair, the basoon case! She was the most wonderful woman he's ever seen!

"Hello", she smiled, "Could I buy this please".

He looked down on the counter and a grin spread across his face, "I see you like Jazz".

"Oh it's amazing! The limit of boundries, the soaring of the notes!".

He ran the L.P through the till, "I'm quite a jazz man myself. Fastest guitarist in Leeds, got a plauge from the mayor".

He watched the reaction of her face with pure aura, "Oh my god! Are you...Howard Moon?!".

She'd heard of him! And that was without him telling her his name! God she was great!

He straightened his shirt and flattened down his moustash, "I am. And who do I owe the pleasure?".

"I'm Lauren", she looked down all shy, "Lauren Lolly".

"Your as sweet as your name and may I say looking lovely", and he took her hand, kissing to top of it.

She giggled, the moustash tickling her skin.

"I was wondering if you would like to..erm.. go out Friday night?", she asked, hopefully.

Howard didn't know what to do! He'd never been asked out before!

"I..er..urm..".

"Oh, it doesn't matter if you can't!", she replied sadly.

"NO!", he shouted, "I mean...of course I can come out! I'll just have to ask my friend, Vince, if he can cover here for me... Have you heard of Vince?".

She shook her head, "Should I have?".

Oh this just kept getting better and better!

She handed him the money for the forgotten L.P but he shook his head, "For you, little lady".

She blushed and slotted it into her carrier bag, "I'll see you at 8", she grinned and blew him a kiss before leaving to shop.

Howard punched the air and rang upstairs, _'Just wait till Vince hears about this!',_ he thought.

**_A/N - All together, 'Awwwwww!' _**

**_That's right, Howard has finally got a date with a Jazz lover like himself, but will all go as planned? Keep on reading people!_**


	7. Dancing at the Egg

**_Author - Hopefully this is the last linking chapter before the story really starts for sorry for all the other short ones. Carry on!_**

**_Btw - I don't own the nightclub Egg and Blackbird is a friend of mine on the Forum as is Claireabella who I forgot to mention earlier on! Miss you both!_**

* * *

To finish the night we all stopped off at a night club called Egg.

Popular with the misfits and outcasts of London, Egg was renouned for it's live DJ's, atomsphere and bright culture.

I managed to catch glimpses of Naboo and Claire boogying on the dance floor and I could spot Vince glittering away like the shiney tart he was, pulling shapes as Pendulum's 'Blood Sugar' pumped out through the speakers so loudly you could feel the bass thumping.

He waved at me through the weird people and I waved back from my seat next to the bar,

"That your bloke?".

I looked round to see a woman wearing a ruffled black skirt, a black corset and great pvc high heels, as well as feathers in her hair and black net gloves.

"Errr, not really, no", I answered.

She held out her hand and I shook it, the feel of fabric strange on my palm, "Blackbird", she introduced.

"Alice".

She nodded to Vince, "So what is he then?".

I frowned.

"Best friend that you have a crush on...?", she hinted.

"I've only known him for two week and yet...", I sighed and twiddled with the straw in my drink.

"Ooooh I see", she smiled, "Feels like you've known him for longer?".

I nodded and took a sip of whatever concoction the bartender had given me.

"Is that wrong? I mean he's a great guy! amazin' infact but...ya' know...I feel like he's way out of my depth!".

"Go over and find out then", she said as if it was obvious.

"What...now?!".

She rolled her eyes, "No in two years, of course now ya' melon!"

She pushed me off the chair and dragged me into the dancers until she found him and shoved me into him.

I almost knocked him over and grabbed onto his neck for dear life so that I wouldn't fall on the concrete floor.

He grabbed my waist and pulled me up straight, "Whoa Nelly! Where did you come from, a cannon?!".

"Sorry! Tough crowd to get through", I apologized whilst flicked my now messed up hair out of my face so I could see him.

He was wearing that grin on his face, that cheeky grin I saw wear once when him and Howard argued over Jazz that one time I was over at the flat for a cup of tea on my lunchbreak.

"What?", I asked.

The music changed from a tight drum and bass gamma set to something more slow and electro.

_'Don't take, don't take, don't break my amature art'._

He just shook his head and cuddled me as we slowly moved to the music.

So what if it wasn't a romantic song like 'Wind Beneath My Wings ', that reminded you of cuddly couples. We didn't care.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and smiled at him, Vince smiled back and lowered his lips to mine and pressed against them.

I returned the kiss ever so slightly and pulled away.

"Vince I wanna know...what's happening here? I mean between us?".

He shrugged, "No idea, Just going with it to be honest".

"So if I asked if we could...you know..er -".

"See more of eachother?".

"Yeah! Then you -".

"Wouldn't mind at all!".

I grinned and grabbed what I could of his cat-suit and pulled him forward again, deepening the kiss. He pulled away and I cuddled into the crook of his neck as he ran a hand through my hair.

I suddenly saw Blackbird stood there watching us as the crowd danced around her.

I mouthed a 'thank-you' to her and waved as she disappeard into the night.

xxxxxxxxxx

After a couple of drinks too many we all bound into the Nabootique. Me and Claire were giggling like mad as we raced in through the front door on the back of Vince and Naboo! It was Naboo's drunken suggestion to see who could make it back to the shop fastest while giving the person with them a piggy back ride!  
Needless to say, me and Vince won but with only a ten second diffrence.

"Hi-ho Silver!", I shouted as he galloped around the shop floor, his hair bouncing about.

A sudden gust of wind came from nowhere and Howard ran down the stairs as fast as lightning, a massive grin set to his face, "Vince! Guess what!".

Vince plonked me down on the counter, "What is it Howard? Has that chicken come back from the dead again?".

"I've got a date!".

Vince gawped, "Your bullshittin' me!".

"Not this time! Her names Lauren Lolly and we're goin' out on Friday!".

"Ya' cheeky vixen!".

Vince ran up to him and gave him a massive hug as well as a kiss on the cheek.

I walked up to him and hugged him, "Congratuwelldone!."

We all went up to the flat where Naboo made us some sort of cocktail drink things to help with the hangovers we were bound to have in the morning and we sat and listened to Howard as he told us all about Lauren.

"He looks so happy doesn't he", I told Vince as we sat next to eachother on the sofa.

"I've never seen him so happy, well unless to count the time I gave him that jazz record I found in a charity shop as a last minute birthday present".

I hit him playfully and lent on his shoulder watching the jazz maverick smile and talk of how beautiful this woman was even though he'd only met her that very day.

I smiled as I felt a kiss being planted on my forehead and those fingers twisting my hair again.

_'Life is good isn't it'_, I thought before my eyes slowly closed and I let myself be taken by sleep.


	8. Very Bad Timing

**__****__**

Author

- Okay, THIS is the final link chapter! It also contains scenes of a sexual nature so if any kiddywinks are reading make sure your mums and dads don't walking in. O/J!

- Okay, THIS is the final link chapter! It also contains scenes of a sexual nature so if any kiddywinks are reading make sure your mums and dads don't walking in. O/J!

* * *

I smiled to myself as I peered down the bannister, spying on Howard and Lauren as they came back from the night out to the 'Smokey Sax' jazz club that Friday night.

She was as Howard described her, beautiful, intelligent, charming if a bit shy.

"You spyin' on 'em?".

I didn't even need to look round to know it was my little girly tart, plus the fact his hands had found my arse was a totally give away.

I felt him smile against my neck as we watched Howard kiss Lauren and say his fairwells, a massive grin set to his face.

"Not jealous then?", I asked.

"Why would I be jealous of him?".

"The kissing? I felt the way you tensed up, even if it was only a second!".

He spun me round and put his arms around my neck, "I was tense cos it's his first kiss since moi! Besides I've got you ta' tease now".

I giggled as he growled and nibbled my neck.

Howard danced up the stairs, whistling a little tune as he made himself a drink and danced his way to his bedroom.

"Take it that his date went well".

I looked over Vince's shoulder to see Naboo fiddling about in the kitchen.

"Did you see the look on his face!", I cooed, "It was so cute!".

"Hey! I can be cute!", Vince piped up and the infamous 'Noir Pout' appeard in a flash.

I learnt that he used it when he didn't get his own way or he felt left out but mainly if he never got a complimented.

No matter who you were the pout would work in any situation, apart from this one.

"Don't milk it", I replied.

"I'm going out tonight with Bollo so don't wait up", Naboo said as he put whatever he'd be making into a satchel, hopped down the stairs and out of the front door.

I went over to the kettle and clicked it on, "Cuppa tea, Vince?".

"Nah".

I almost jumped as his breath hit my neck. I hadn't heard him come up behind me.

I felt his arms snake around my waist, which he seemed to do that alot, and I felt his fingers play with the bit of skin that wasn't covered by my t-shirt.

I carried on making my tea, trying to act as if I hadn't noticed.

His fingers ran along the edge of my trousers that hung quite low on my waist as he trailer kisses up my neck and across my jaw-line.

"What're you doin'?", I breathed unable to keep by voice from shaking.

"Empty house", he whispered.

"What about Howard?".

"He'll just be listenin' to his moody jazz records".

He was now pulling my away from the counter top, making it impossible to finish making my tea because now I couldn't reach it.

I decided to give up and followed him into his bedroom.

I loved this room, the smell of hairspray, the colours of the posters and clothes just made it come alive. It was pure Vince Noir!

He pushed me onto his velvet sheeted bed and lightly jumped on top of me, that cheeky smile set on his face.

I hurridly pulled off his yellow polo t-shirt and pulled his head to mine as I kissed him desparetly.

He pulled my t-shirt over my head and threw it on the laminate floor. We were like two teenagers with both of the parents out the house!

I flipped him over so he was on his back and kissed his chest, running my nails down his sides.

He let out a strangled moan and arched his back to show me he wanted more.

I'd just undo the button of his trousers, with some difficulty I might add, when there was a loud knock at the door...

* * *

**_A/N - In the words of Matt Berry in The IT Crowd. 'There's somebody at the door! There's somebody at the door!'_**

**_Who could it be? Keep on reading to find out!_**


	9. Peppermint Nightmare!

Vince slipped on his silk dressing gown whilst I quickly grabbed my t-shirt and flung it back on then followed Vince downstairs to see who had interuped us at, in my opinon, the worst time in history!

I wrenched the door open and stared at the person stood in the doorway.

His green skin glowing in the light from the shop, his polo-ed eye setting a strange shadow across his face making it even more menacing.

"Alrigh' darlin'!", he sneered.

I just kept on staring, mouth open wide.

"Sorry mate but we're closed!".

Vince walked up behind me and moved me out the way to close the door but the stranger put his foot in the way, forcing the door open.

"S'cure me, squire but I'm lookin' for a Howard Moon. 'eard e' ran this gaff".

Me and Vince just looked at eachother.

What the hell had Howard done to get involved with this guy?!

"Erm, he's not here right now, but if you'd like to leave a message...?", I said just hoping that he'd go away.

I didn't like this guy! I just wanted him gone and then me and Vince could carry on with what we were doing.

"Could ya' tell 'im that I know what he's up ta'! I can see everything - ".

"Let me guess, with ya' minty vision?", Vince cut in.

He was getting pissed off now, his eyes had turned that really deep blue I remeber them turning that once when Bollo took his leopard skin coat without his permission. Bollo would never do that again!

"You think yourself a funny lass, do ya'?".

Vince shrugged, "I can be quite good".

The green man witch smiled, his black teeth sneaking in, "Are ya'? Well let's see how funny ya' find this!".

He pushed me out of the way as he barged into the shop, grabbed hold of Vince's dressing gown and threw him over his shoulder!

"Get off him!", I screamed and jumped onto the guys back, kicking and throwing punches but he was having non of it.

He threw Vince on the floor who smacked his head with a loud _'smack!'_.

I ran over to him and moved his hair out of his face, "Vince?", he didn't move, his eyes tightly shut and his breathing shallow.

I looked up to see the cockney bastard scribbling something on one of Howard's post-it notes in 'Stationary Village', throw it on the counter and walk over to us.

I pulled Vince protectivley into my arms as he knelt down and looked me in the eyes, "Your comin' with me, darlin', If Howard thinks he can take my lass so easily then I can take you too".

A sudden mass of smoke appeared from nowhere and we were suddenly in a damp cave in god-knows-where in a cell!

I heard the clang of a door and I turned round to see the stranger locking it.

"Hope you'll enjoy ya' stay!", he grinned.

"Who are you?!", I shouted as he was about to walk off.

He dramatically turn round, his coat spinning with him.

"He call me The Hitcher!", he said as he pulled a shape and a spot light came on from somewhere, lighting him up.

I stopped myself from giggling as the theme tune to The Magic Roundabout rang out through the cave, bouncing off the walls.

"Is that your theme tune?", I asked, pinching myself to stop my laughter.

"That fucking sound man!", he yelled, suddenly producing a dolphin suit from somewhere and ran down the hallway, "I warned ya', Flipper!"

I cuddled myself into Vince and stroked his hair as the cockney disappeard.

"Please wake up, babes", I whispered as made myself as comfortable as I could get

I stayed awake for as long as I could to make sure that 'Hitcher' guy never came back but before long sleep took over and I drifted off, still cuddling Vince and dreaming of someone who would come and save us.

* * *

**_A/N - DUN DUN DUUUUUN! Will they ever get out? Who will save them? Will the soundman get the bumming of his life? Find out in the next chapter!_**


	10. Rescue Squad!

I heard a mumbling from somewhere as I began to wake up from the most uncomfartable sleep I'd ever had, and I'd slept on a park bench!

I stood up to have a stretch and almost toppled over because my legs were totally numb and couldn't take my weight.

Vince must've slept on my lap all night.

Speaking of Vince, where was he?

I heard a wimper in a corner that confirmed my question. There he was, hair all over the place, eyes wide and afraid, clutching to his silk dressing gown like his life depended on it!

"Vince!".

I quickly crawled over to him and wrapped my arms around him.

He was shaking like a naked drunk in the snow!

"Vince, are you alright?".

"Where are we?", he whispered, "Where's that cockney disappeard to?".

"It's alright, babes", I shushed, "We're okay".

I saw him look up at me with his big blue eyes and put his hands on my face, "Are you okay though? Did he do anything to you cos if he did - ".

"Whow there Mowgli!", I laughed, "You seriously think I'd let him anywhere near me!".

He smiled and I knew he believed me.

He knotted his fingers through mine and lent against the cell's damp wall, "Got any idea where we are then?".

"Not a danny!"

"So what we gunna do?".

I shook my head. What else could you do except wait for someone to find out that you and your boyfriend had been kidnapped by a green hitchhiker with a polo for an eye and that you needed saving.

God, it sounded like a type of tv series they would show on BBC3!

All of a sudden the sound of a bird caught my attention.

I looked skywards to see a robin stood on a barred window a few feet above us, and a sudden idea hit me like a brick.

"Vince! You can talk to animals!".

He frowned, "Yeah, well done Sherlock but hows that gunna help us?".

And as if on cue, the little bird fluttered down and landed infront of us.

"Ask him if he could send a message to the gang!".

"The gang? That makes us sound as if were askin' Scooby Doo and the Mystery Machine to come to our rescue!".

"Just do it!", I demanded and nudged him towards, what would hopefully be our feathery life saver.

I watched as man and beast communicated in a series of hand gestures and quietly said words before the bird nodded and flew out the window.

"What did he say?".

Vince grinned, "He said no problem!".

I grabbed him and pulled him into a kiss. God I loved this man!

xxxxxxxxx

2 weeks we waited. Each day our hopes of rescue deminished.

We were fed scraps not even fit for a dog, water that was muddy and given nothing to keep us warm!

I was so ill that I couldn't move anywhere and throwing up whatever my stomach had left. Vince was keeping me was warm as possible by keeping me wrapped up in his now filthy and shreadded dressing gown and cuddling up to me at night, sharing what little body heat we had.

"This is pointless", I murmered as I lay on the moss covered floor of our prison.

"Come on Alice", Vince said as he paced up and down, "Don't give up".

I heartlessly laughed, "Don't give up?! Vince, it's been two weeks!".

"Maybe they got lost, maybe their making a plan...", he replied, his voice still full of what hope was left inside him.

"Oh, for fuck sake!", I shouted but immediatly regretted it as I felt a wave of dizzyness wash over me.

He was next to me straight away as I swayed a bit.

I could feel tears rolling down my face now, "Look at us! You seriously think that we're gunna get saved now? It's over Vince!".

I felt my heart break as that final spark of hope in his eyes burnt out.

"Babes - ",

"Your right, this is stupid!", he sighed and stood up.

I grabbed his wrist but he easily shook it off and walked to the cell door. I flinched as he hit his head off the metal bars and screamed at the top of his voice.

"Vince, please!", I begged but found myself suddenly screaming as the wall next to me collapsed outwards.

I coughed and skwinted into the dust cloud.

The shiloettes became sharper as the cloud cleared and I cried out with joy as Naboo, Bollo, Howard, Becky, Terry, Claire, Lauren and Jeff walked out of the mist and into the cell.

"Ready to be saved?", Naboo grinned.

Vince walked over to him and shook his hand, "What took you so long?!".

"Couldn't understand what the bird was sayin' so we had to invent a machine to translate animals".

I kissed Howard on the cheek as he picked me up and carried me round the corner where I saw the hand-painted camper van waiting like a white stallion to take me away to paradise, my prince standing beside me.

I looked past Howard to make sure everyone else was okay. They looked like M:I 5, moving with stealth and making sure the plan was going to plan.

Once everyone was in the van we screeched off to the safety of London and the Nabootique, me sleeping on Vince's lap, his hands running through my hair.

No-one saw the figure watching us from the surrounding forest...

**_A/N - They think it's all over...well it's not! Muhahaha!_**


	11. Showers and Deceit

Showers!

The best of all creations!

I smiled as the warm clean water washed over me whilst I scrubbed furiously at my filthy hair with some swell sweet smelling shampoo.

All I'd done when we arrived back at the flat was sleep.

We all decided not to drop me off at my flat that day because I couldn't stand to be away from Vince and Naboo wanted to make sure we were both alright so Jeff and the rest of the rescue team stayed over, taking up the sofa and beanbags.

Everyone else was still asleep when I woke up from my place on Howard's bed. I waddled into the front room and stepped through everyone to make myself a cup of tea then wandered into the bathroom for my first shower in two weeks.

Two hours and a full bottle of Impluse shower gel later, I finally felt cleaner.

I was just about to turn the shower off when I heard the bathroom door open and close, the silohette of someone showing through the shower curtain.

"Feeling better?", came the voice of Vince.

"You have no idea!".

"You want a towel, honey?".

"Please".

I heard him ruffle about and his hand suddenly popped through the curtain, a fluffy pink towel in his hand.

I grabbed him wrist and pulled him into the shower with me.

He gasped as the water hit him and I laughed as I realised he was fully clothed! He staggered to the other end of the shower where the water wasn't hitting anything.

"Awww, is the little baby all wet?", I cooed as I walked pver to him and wiped his now sopping hair out of his face.

He just looked at me with a deadpan expression.

I pulled him closer and gave him a little kiss but his face never changed so I kissed his eyes, mouth, jaw-line and neck. I finally felt him grin as I nibbled his ear.

I pulled away and saw that smile that I felt like I hadn't seen in years.

"I've missed that", I whispered and traced his lips with my index finger.

He ran a hand thorugh my wet hair and down my back, "Your gorgeous ya' know".

"I know", I grinned, "Not so bad yourself, Noir".

"Even though I'm soaking wet and my hair's lost all forms of life?".

I tugged on his shirt and pulled him under the cascading water, "You know you are".

He lifted his head up and let the water fall onto him and I just stood there, staring.

He knew what he was doing and laughed as he opened his eyes again.

I saw him pick up the bar of Dove soap and began rubbing it in his hands, lathering it up, "You got washed yet?".

"I have but I think I missed a few places".

"Want me to check?".

I put my hands round his hips, my tongue stick out between my teeth "What do you think?".

An hour later (yes, I am hinting people) and I was stuffing my face with tuna and cucumber sarnies, thanks to Becky and her limited cooking skills.

"You coming back home today?", she asked as she gave me another plate full.

"I don't know", I mumbled through a mouth of bread, "I'm still feeling a bit dodgy".

"Well maybe some time at home will help you...we haven't seen you in weeks".

"I have been kidnapped...", I frowned.

"No I mean before that! We never see you now!"

I sighed, "If I come home today and stayed a few nights will that be alright?".

She nodded and smiled.

I was wondering when this was goin to crop up, the whole thing about not being around them as much as I used to be.

Well hopefully me staying there for a few days will shut them up for a bit.

I put on some make-up and said goodbye to everyone, giving them my thanks before me, Becky, Jeff and Terry set off back to Camden town.  
They had a few drinks that night to celebrate my return but I only chanced having half a glass of wine.

I must admit that it felt nice to be back with them, nice to be in the flat,

"Alice, you wanna see what we've done to your room?", Jeff suggested as he poured Terry another glass of cheap merlot.

I got up of the sofa and walked over to my bedroom, letting my hands trail cross the hallway walls because I felt slightly unsteady, _'probably just the wine'_, I thought and laughed as they followed me.

"You better not have re-painted it cos I'll kill ya' if ya' have", I smiled and opened to door.

My room was totally black and I felt across my walls for the light switch and flicked it once I found it.

I shielded my eyes at the sudden brightness and swayed slightly, god that drink works fast!

I was expecting to see a welcome home banner or a new poster but what greeted me made me cry out in terror.

It was him. The Hitcher. He was sat, cross legged on my bed with that sickening grin set on his face.

"Alrigh' flower? I was wonderin' where you popped off to".

I turned and ran for the door but Becky, Terry and Jeff blocked my only way out!,

"What the fuck is goin' on!", I screamed at them as I dropped to the floor, my knees suddenly giving way.

"We're so sorry Alice".

Becky was beside me, crouched next to me. I grabbed hold of her as my vision started playing up, the room began spinning and everything blurred.

"Help me", I begged her.

"I can't", she whispered.

She then prised my fingers off her top and walked next to Jeff who, with Terry, just watched as I slumped on the floor asking for their help one more time before I completely black out.

People say 'know your enemys' but even I didn't see this one coming...

**_A/N - Oooooh! Naughty flat mates! Will they ever regret what they have done or have they always been on The Hicher's side? Find out in the next chapter!_**


	12. Pointless Survival

**_Aurthor - So Alice is back with The Hitcher, who knows what's gunna happen now..._**

* * *

So here I was again.

Freezing cold and chained to a wall, what a perfect way to spend the evening! God, I could kill those back stabbing, two-faced, no good...oh, what was the point?

I lent forward a little to see if I could see round the corners of where I was being held. Looks like the Hitcher decided to move me around this place since I wasn't in the same cell as me and Vince, then I realised... Vince!

He doesn't even know I'm missing! He probably still thinks I'm back at the flat with my so called friends, tucked up in bed nice and warm, sleeping the sickness off!

But what if the Hitchers' already got to him? What if he's in a seperate part of this place?!

I suddenly heard a metallic scraping and looked up to see the Hitcher standing in a doorway, that unforgivable smug smile set in his face.

He was up to something and it wasn't good, "How are ya' darlin'?".

I raised an eyebrow as if to say _'What kinda pissing question is that?'._

"I gots a suprise for you ma' treasure", he whispered and I gave a small jump as he loudly clapped his hands together.

My ears pricked up at the sound of sqeaking and I saw one of the Hitchers' henchman waddle into the room, reminding me of an oversided green sweet that you found in a Haribo mixture. He was pushing a heavy goods trolly, a sheet covering whatever lay underneath.

He stopped right infront of me, learing and giggling under his breath, waiting for his boss's command.

"Go ahead", he growled and the chubby jelly baby flung the cover off.

I couldn't hold the scream in, no matter how much I tried and how much satisfaction I knew that cockney twat would get out of it but what met my eyes pushed my pride out of the window.

There he was.

My Vince.

Layed on the trolley and completely lifeless with his hair splayed out behind his head like a weird black crown.

My prince, lost of all that sparkling life!

I just stared and never blinked even when the tears started falling. This wasn't happening! No way was he dead! He was invincable! No matter how bad the day was he could make it better just by smiling or saying 'hello'!

I closed my eyes, _'just a bad dream'_, I thought over and over, _'a bad dream, a bad dream,'_ but the dream didn't end as I opened my eyes again to be met by the same scene.

That's when it hit me.

I was never going to see that smile again, never going to hear that laugh he did when he got a joke half an hour after everyone else, the feel of those fingers running through my hair as we layed in bed together.

I felt my knees give way and I just let myself hang there, the chains around my wrists were the only things keeping me up right.

"I think she's seen enough", I heard the Hitcher say and I watched as Vince was pushed away from me, the sickening sqeak from the wheels echoing out of the room.

My eyes fell back onto the spot where he'd been and I didn't even look up as I saw my boyfriend's murderer stand infront of me, that breath rancid on my face.

"See what your little friend did by taking my bird?", he asked, "See all the pain he's caused you?".

I think he was expecting me to start crying again or scream at him but I just laughed. I laughed in his face.

"Did you once ever think that it was her that left you?!".

"Don't you dare say that!".

"What, cos you know it's true?!".

He suddenly grabbed my throat and pushed me as hard as he could against the wall, "Ya' eva' say anythin' like tha' again and I'll - ".

"Kill me?", I choked, "Come on then cos I have nothin' else to life for...".

I saw anger and temptation flare in his eyes and his grip grew tighter for a minute but then he let go.

"It's not you I want, it's Moon", and he flung his coat as he walked away leaving me to finally break down in peace.

A second green jelly baby turn round the corner and tap Vince on the shoulder as he lay dead on the trolley.

Vince suddenly came to life and stretched before getting up off the trolley and high-fiving the chubby green man.

He wriggled around for a second before shrinking and morphing back into his original form.

The Piper Twins loved their job! There was nothing like it in the world...

**_A/N - Who saw that coming, eh?_**


	13. The Truth Comes Out

Vince was getting a little worried.

Alice had promised to phone him, to tell him she was alright but two hours after her said time and still no Gary Numan ringtone.

"Naboo", he called out to the Shaman as he walked downstairs into the shop, "Boolio!".

The shop was empty. Vince frowned and was about to walk back upstairs when he heard something coming from the store cuboard.

He quietly opened the door and wrinkled his nose in disgust, "You have a room Naboo!".

Naboo let go of Claireabella and smiled weakly at Vince, "Hey...er...I was just gettin' some supplies and Claire was helping me", answered the lispy shaman, putting his turban back on straight.

"Course you were". Vince didn't sound so convinced, "Anyway, have you heard anything from Alice? She said she'd call but I haven't got anything yet".

"Try her flat, she might be asleep, you berk".

"Your a diamond, Naboo!", Vince yelled as he closed the door on them and grabbed his long green coat before heading off into Camden Town.

"What if she gets killed?!".

Becky was sat on the sofa, cuddling her knees and wiping the smudged mascara off her face.

"He promised that he wouldn't hurt her", Jeff answered as he paced the living room.

"You seriously think that his word is something we can trust?", Terry asked from his place next to Becky.

Jeff knew what the answer was but he didn't want to say it, non of them did.

"What do we do?", Becky asked quietly, "What do we tell Vince?".

As if on cue there was a knock at the door.

Jeff looked through the spy-glass and felt his heart miss a beat as he saw a fish-bowl looking version of Vince.

"Who is it?", he heard Terry ask from behind him.

"Noir".

"What?!", Becky yelled, "No! No, it can't be him!".

"Just stay calm and don't say anything!", Jeff warned them,"I'll do the talking".

He shunted Becky and Terry back into the front room before opening the door for Vince.

"Alright", Vince smiled, "Listen is Alice in? She said she'd call but I haven't heard anything".

"Er...yeah, come in".

Vince gave a smile and walked into the living room.

Becky was softly crying in the corner of the room, rocking back and forth and Terry was just staring wide-eyed at Vince.

"Is everything alright?", he asked and almost jumped out of his skin when Becky let out a large whine.

"I'm so sorry!", she cried out, "We didn't mean it!".

Vince frowned, "What do ya' mean? Becky, what's wrong?".

"It's nothin'", Jeff smiled.

"We can't lie, Jeff, not to him", Terry piped up, "It's Alice, Vince".

Vince felt his heart jump, "Why? What's happened to her?".

"She...we...sorry", Becky gasped as she tried to tell him inbetween her sobbing.

He grabbed her and shook her, "What's happened?!".

Terry grabbed him and dragged him off her, "It's the Hitcher!", he yelled.

Vince froze and his blue eyes widened, "...what?".

"She's with the Hitcher...we're so sorry Vince", Becky apologised, "He said he'd kill us if we didn't give her to him".

"No. No you...you wouldn't".

"Soz Vince". Jeff walked up to him, "But just think, plenty more fish in the sea".

Vince turned to him slowly, his eyes almost black now, "What?".

"Not like you don't have women fallin' at your feet, is it?", Jeff retaliated.

"Alice...she's somethin' else", he whispered before smacking Jeff as hard as he could and storming out of the flat leaving Becky staring at her feet and Terry staring at Jeff on the floor.

"Naboo!".

Howard jumped from his place on the sofa as Vince's voice rang out the shop and the flat.

He got off the sofa and looked over the bannister to see a distrought electro boy running up the stairs, "NABOO!".

"Vince?".

He stopped at the top of the stairs as he saw Howard's head peering over the bannister.

He slowly walked up them and looked at Howard before breaking down into tears.

"Bloody hell, Vince! What happened?". Howard grabbed him and brought him over to the sofa, wiping away the eyeliner that was daring to trail down his face.

"Alice...he's got Alice", he cuddled into Howard and Howard puts his arms around him.

"Come on, little man. Tell me everything".


End file.
